Saturday, December 31, 2011

Where on the Dolphin expressway one boy listens to music on headphones to keep car sickness at bay, another boy stops counting the seconds to the Miami airport to say, "hit me, hit me, hit me, it's your destiny," to the third boy who is arguing with his father about whether opening the window will make him hotter or cooler.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Where the surface of the water off the coast of Miami is the same color and stippled texture as the cover of a motel bible.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Where, on the median of Broadway and 86th street, two men work together to insert the shaft of the second night of hanukkah.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Where a man in a dirty NY Giants jacket and an "Obama All the Way 2012" T-shirt explains to everyone on the downtown 2 subway that "I was in law school but then the white man done put me prison for twenty year which is where I got eddacated and now my daughter, she in law school which cost $100,000 but I has money buried in Georgia--I'm from Georgia, just live in New York--and that's how I come to be a million campaigning for Obama."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Where a deeply beleaguered mother stops to look at the liquid crystal display above the multifarious rolls in the window of Associated Supermarket: "ANY TYPE OF COMPLAINT CAN BE MADE THRU: VIAITALIA123@AOL.COM" and wonders what would happen if she skipped town leaving VIAITALIA123's contact info on her kitchen table.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Where a young boy says, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Well, that's easy, the chicken—because God created animals before food!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

Where in the dressing room of Equinox gym one half-naked woman says to another, "I gave birth to TWO children with natural childbirth--I figure I can run a marathon, right?" and a third woman (who no one except for a fourth woman watching the scene knows is a professional childbirth educator) says, "I gave birth to two kids too and NO WAY could I run a marathon... But you look very athletic..." adds the childbirth educator when the first woman looks crestfallen.

Where an older woman eating alone at a Japanese restaurant says, into her cell phone, "Oh I already know what I'm getting you--the only thing I've ever heard you ask for."

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Where a bulldog rides a skateboard in Central Park.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Where the following items sit on the Whole Foods cashier's small counter top: stacks of paper bags, two receipts, a printed and laminated price code sheet, a handwritten note with the price codes for apples and pears and, under a 212ANSWERS.COM pen, a handwritten note—"Need to practice Love. Say I love you a lot, to your kids..."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Where on the downtown express an older woman barks, "Move to the CENTER!" at a girl who is trying to read and underline Pedagogy of the Oppressed without falling over.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Where on the 42nd Street crosstown bus headed toward the Intrepid one veteran says to another, "I can't believe I made it, I just can't believe I made it," and the other responds, "That and 75 cents will get you the Daily News."

Where at the Momofuku Ssam Bar a man says to his son, "If you don't eat that I'll never forgive you... that's the best part!" and the young boy looks very seriously at his food.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Where one of the three men offering free advice next to Kimchee Taco on Astor Place asks, "Well, when you imagine your son's ideal Bar Mitzvah what does it look like?"

Where in the bathroom of the Silver Building one NYU student says to another, "I mean I guess sometimes analyzing literature is important but not really," and the other student laughs and say, "I know, right?"

Monday, November 7, 2011

Where three men take up six seats on the crowded downtown express.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Where a man makes dinner for himself and his youngest son and says to his wife as she leaves to take their older sons out to dinner, "this is what the world would be like of there were no women" and points to his plate.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Where the people are silent as they wait to pass through security into the courthouse at111 Centre street except for one man wearing headphones who sings in a low drone over and over, "My heart is torn... ask why I was born... Let off a clip from an automatic weapon..."

Where on the downtown express train during morning rush hour a woman with long, lustrous black-brown hair asks a woman with long, lustrous brown-black hair, "You know when you fall asleep on your couch and then wake up at 4:30 in the morning?" and they both smile at each other.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Where the child-free, cell-phone-free jury room at 111 Centre street is not only the location of one woman's civic duty but is also the manifestation of the mother's greatest (legal) fantasy.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Where at "Tunes with Tina," Tina asks a young boy in a Batman costume what his name is and the boy says, "Batman," and Tina asks him what his real name is and he looks at her skeptically and says, "Bruce Wayne," and she smiles and points to the boy's mother who is sitting across from the boy and Tina asks, "Ok, well, what is your mom's name?" and the boy looks at her incredulously and says, "My mom? My mom is dead and so is my dad."
Where the decorative pumpkins on 34th street are still partially covered by yesterday's early snowfall.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Where at the Metropolitan Museum of Art a woman between Modern and Contemporary Art and is almost unbalanced by Kiki Smith's Lillith.
Where after spending an hour at the interactive IBM THINK exhibit at Lincoln Center, a young boy assumes that the elaborately choreographed fountain around the corner is responding to his stomps and points.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Where on 57th and 5th avenue Bill Cunningham is out in his blue jacket taking photos.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Where the old man eating barefoot, the conversation between the racially insensitive head cook and his demeaned underling, the homeless woman sleeping in the corner, the purgatorial lighting, and the very bad kosher food are just a few of the reasons that the 92nd Street Y cafe is saddest place in New York.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Where on Sunday morning a man wearing a straw hat and sunglasses stands outside the Central Baptist Church on 91st and Amsterdam avenue shouting at passersby and entering congregationalists, "YEAH! GO TO CHURCH YOU RETARDED DEVILS!" and another man sits behind him on the steps putting clear polish on his nails.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Where, on the uptown express train, the young man with his new mustache, his ipod, his iphone, his batman t-shirt, and his Comic Con badge has trouble managing his many swords.

Where at 7pm Friday night there were two long lines of people for two simultaneous events at the Manhattan Center on 34th street--"Thich Nhat Hanh's Mindfulness Retreat" and "The 2nd Annual American Pole Fitness Championships"--but it was not at all confusing for ticketholders to tell which line was theirs.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Where the 10-year old boy says, "So Mom right in front of T-mobile there were these three guys just waiting around and they were like extreme Jewish or extreme Christian like they looked like they weren't from around here and one of them was eating a banana in a really weird way and then the other one handed me this card:"
Where a boy calls his mother to say  he's on the M96 crosstown bus but 96th street is closed and the bus is going to "Go across 86th street and up Fifth avenue" and the mother says,"Fifth avenue doesn't go uptown, do you mean Madison?" and the boy says, "The driver said FIFTH! We're going to go up FIFTH!" and the mother says, "Please just ask someone," and listens while he mumbles in the background but no one will answer the boy except for one woman who says "You'll get there," and the boy says to his mother, "Just don't worry about it, I'm sure we'll just go up Fifth" and the mother says, "You will NOT go up Fifth.. I'm sure you'll be fine but if there's one thing I know it's that you will NOT go UP Fifth!" and she is astonished at her own anger and worry and frustration but not at all surprised when the boy mumbles, "Fine," and hangs up.
Where the pear is so beautiful a woman waits two days before cutting into it just so she can look at it and by then it's good but past its prime.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Where the environmentally conscious protesters at Occupy Wall Street are recycling and reusing signs.
Where on Yom Kippur at the Occupy Wall Street Protest a dozen drummers throb their beat as a woman in strappy black heels and a tight skirt dances an angry, sexy pantomime, her many shopping bags from Fendi, J. Crew, Chanel, Tiffany, Bloomingdale's, and Victoria's Secret swirling around her like Scheherazade's veils and the sax player shifts into Tevye's riff, "all day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum, if I were..."

Friday, October 7, 2011

Where in eighth period Communication and Theater class six seventh graders drop dead—comically, tragically, horrifically, fantastically and romantically—from eating invisible eggs.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Where a large man in a Bishop's Island sweatshirt plays his music at top volume through his phone without headphones so that everyone on the downtown 3 express train can hear "I want you to turn me on baby baby" in a too-high tinny treble.
Where at Super Soccer Stars coach Justin does not give three year old Phoebe her stickers and her nanny says "I'm very disappointed in you" and Benjamin's mother says to Benjamin, "We can't go to Phoebe's house now because she had bad behavior" and then, to Phoebe, "You ruined my whole day" and Phoebe just stands by the wall of smiling Super Soccer Stars looking at her feet.
Where, after eating pretzels and M&Ms, the little boy's breath smells exactly like play-doh.

Where the mechanical band inside the central park carousel seems to be playing a dirge-like version of "I Fall to Pieces."

Friday, September 30, 2011

Where on the #56 Vermonter Amtrak to Springfield a woman says into her cellphone, "OK, first read me the first four press E...yes, yes... OK, next...huh, well, let's just make this simple, do you see how on the upper right hand side there's a picture of a house... yes, yes... Ok...well, call me anytime."

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Where at Deli 94 on Amsterdam avenue they are selling flowers that look like testicles crossbred with prickly pears.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Where as they boarded the 96th Street crosstown bus a man said to a woman, "I bet SHE go to H.C.!" and the woman said, "That a damn STUCK UP church!"

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Where, after going to the new location of the Momofuku Milkbar on the Upper West Side and eating a strawberry soft serve ice cream and half a compost cookie, a man says to his family, "I mean I'm glad it opened but it doesn't really solve all my problems."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Where at Mani Market an elderly man with a walker cuts in front of a woman who has six people standing in line behind her and no one says anything.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Where on the corner of 96th and Amsterdam a small boy runs out into the intersection and his mother runs after him and grabs him back while another mother standing next to them screams, "OH MY GOD!!!" and a third mother, watching from across the street bursts into tears even though, by then, the boy is safe.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Where in the Advanced Undergraduate Poetry Workshop the writing is on the wall.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Where there is too much noise inside and out.

Where Canal street separates pasta from bok choy.

Where, looking at her three sons, a woman literally and figuratively sees her own reflection.

Where the emphatic enthusiasm of the CVS sign seems somewhat misplaced.

Where a guitarist uses three Star Wars Clone Wars books and one Superman book to hold down his notes as he strums along with the story about a you girl with a fairy skip rope who skips as never so.

Where an Upper East Side man waiting for the bus on Madison avenue is dressed to the nines.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Where, at Hampton Chutney restaurant, a woman eying a mother with twin girls, admonishes her son who is sitting in the window seat bludgeoning stuffed animals, "Remember Roofus, GIRLS don't like killing!"

Friday, September 9, 2011

Where at the farmer's market on 97th street the indoor-outdoor plant seller had only one Money Tree left for the season, and it was a frail, scrawny specimen.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Where a woman tells her son to get his school bag ready for the first day of school and finds upon inspecting his very heavy backpack that in addition to five binders he has packed 48 pencils.

Where the experienced PTA parents orient the new parents, explaining everything they need to know.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Where the hippo has an unassisted breech multiples birth without so much as batting an eyelash.