Monday, October 31, 2011

Where the child-free, cell-phone-free jury room at 111 Centre street is not only the location of one woman's civic duty but is also the manifestation of the mother's greatest (legal) fantasy.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Where at "Tunes with Tina," Tina asks a young boy in a Batman costume what his name is and the boy says, "Batman," and Tina asks him what his real name is and he looks at her skeptically and says, "Bruce Wayne," and she smiles and points to the boy's mother who is sitting across from the boy and Tina asks, "Ok, well, what is your mom's name?" and the boy looks at her incredulously and says, "My mom? My mom is dead and so is my dad."
Where the decorative pumpkins on 34th street are still partially covered by yesterday's early snowfall.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Where at the Metropolitan Museum of Art a woman between Modern and Contemporary Art and is almost unbalanced by Kiki Smith's Lillith.
Where after spending an hour at the interactive IBM THINK exhibit at Lincoln Center, a young boy assumes that the elaborately choreographed fountain around the corner is responding to his stomps and points.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Where on 57th and 5th avenue Bill Cunningham is out in his blue jacket taking photos.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Where the old man eating barefoot, the conversation between the racially insensitive head cook and his demeaned underling, the homeless woman sleeping in the corner, the purgatorial lighting, and the very bad kosher food are just a few of the reasons that the 92nd Street Y cafe is saddest place in New York.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Where on Sunday morning a man wearing a straw hat and sunglasses stands outside the Central Baptist Church on 91st and Amsterdam avenue shouting at passersby and entering congregationalists, "YEAH! GO TO CHURCH YOU RETARDED DEVILS!" and another man sits behind him on the steps putting clear polish on his nails.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Where, on the uptown express train, the young man with his new mustache, his ipod, his iphone, his batman t-shirt, and his Comic Con badge has trouble managing his many swords.

Where at 7pm Friday night there were two long lines of people for two simultaneous events at the Manhattan Center on 34th street--"Thich Nhat Hanh's Mindfulness Retreat" and "The 2nd Annual American Pole Fitness Championships"--but it was not at all confusing for ticketholders to tell which line was theirs.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Where the 10-year old boy says, "So Mom right in front of T-mobile there were these three guys just waiting around and they were like extreme Jewish or extreme Christian like they looked like they weren't from around here and one of them was eating a banana in a really weird way and then the other one handed me this card:"
Where a boy calls his mother to say  he's on the M96 crosstown bus but 96th street is closed and the bus is going to "Go across 86th street and up Fifth avenue" and the mother says,"Fifth avenue doesn't go uptown, do you mean Madison?" and the boy says, "The driver said FIFTH! We're going to go up FIFTH!" and the mother says, "Please just ask someone," and listens while he mumbles in the background but no one will answer the boy except for one woman who says "You'll get there," and the boy says to his mother, "Just don't worry about it, I'm sure we'll just go up Fifth" and the mother says, "You will NOT go up Fifth.. I'm sure you'll be fine but if there's one thing I know it's that you will NOT go UP Fifth!" and she is astonished at her own anger and worry and frustration but not at all surprised when the boy mumbles, "Fine," and hangs up.
Where the pear is so beautiful a woman waits two days before cutting into it just so she can look at it and by then it's good but past its prime.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Where the environmentally conscious protesters at Occupy Wall Street are recycling and reusing signs.
Where on Yom Kippur at the Occupy Wall Street Protest a dozen drummers throb their beat as a woman in strappy black heels and a tight skirt dances an angry, sexy pantomime, her many shopping bags from Fendi, J. Crew, Chanel, Tiffany, Bloomingdale's, and Victoria's Secret swirling around her like Scheherazade's veils and the sax player shifts into Tevye's riff, "all day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum, if I were..."

Friday, October 7, 2011

Where in eighth period Communication and Theater class six seventh graders drop dead—comically, tragically, horrifically, fantastically and romantically—from eating invisible eggs.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Where a large man in a Bishop's Island sweatshirt plays his music at top volume through his phone without headphones so that everyone on the downtown 3 express train can hear "I want you to turn me on baby baby" in a too-high tinny treble.
Where at Super Soccer Stars coach Justin does not give three year old Phoebe her stickers and her nanny says "I'm very disappointed in you" and Benjamin's mother says to Benjamin, "We can't go to Phoebe's house now because she had bad behavior" and then, to Phoebe, "You ruined my whole day" and Phoebe just stands by the wall of smiling Super Soccer Stars looking at her feet.
Where, after eating pretzels and M&Ms, the little boy's breath smells exactly like play-doh.

Where the mechanical band inside the central park carousel seems to be playing a dirge-like version of "I Fall to Pieces."